


needs and wants

by thinkatory



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bulges and Nooks, F/M, M/M, Multi, Polyamory Negotiations, Porn with Feelings, Post-Canon, Quadrant Confusion, Siblings, Tentabulges, Xeno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 16:29:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12084870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinkatory/pseuds/thinkatory
Summary: Dave and Rose begin to have a certain reaction to the trolls in their life. Drama and porn ensues."Fuck no, I'm not asking them if other species usually suddenly want to fuck them senseless," he says. "That is a crazy idea and you're insane for thinking we should do it."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to write aftermath to this and maybe some Rose/Kanaya? I wrote this before Homestuck ended and that might be evident.
> 
> This is basically just tentadick porn. So there's that.

It starts when Dave is lying on a couch in Jade's spaceship, and Karkat and Terezi wander past bitching and moaning as usual.

 

"This is fucking stupid. We're not recreating Alternian society even if Kanaya makes the Matriorb work because Alternian society was fucking bullshit," Karkat says, and flops down on the other couch. "Strider, tell her."

 

"I know literally nothing about your society and I really don't think I care," Dave says.

 

"You know that it's full of assholes like Vriska and Eridan and Zahhak. How is that not enough," Karkat points out. "Besides, it's not like fuschiabloods aren't going to immediately come out going, 'Fuck all of you, I'm in charge, because genetics!'"

 

"Karkat," Terezi says, "I'm fucking joking."

 

There's dead silence for a split-second, and before Karkat can say anything Dave is sniggering.

 

"Shut the fuck up, Strider," Karkat says, more sullen than anything.

 

"Since when do you call me Strider anyway, we were best bros in the Veil, did you forget that? We were totally meteor-bros," Dave says, and Terezi's smirking at him, and Karkat's glowering, aaaand that's when it happens.

 

Hngh. It hits him like a ton of bricks or like a pound of bricks or something because a ton of bricks would kill him or not because he's god-tier but anyway. He is suddenly super fucking horny, and it's the weirdest fucking thing, and he's staring at Terezi like some kind of moron.

 

"Hey coolkid," Terezi says, "what the hell are you looking at?"

 

"Your dominance glands," Karkat says, smugly needling her, obviously happy to have the upper hand again.

 

Shit. It's getting worse. He's going to pop a boner and it's going to be obvious.  _ What the actual fuck. _ "Gotta go," he says, hurriedly, and runs outside, behind a hill, and flops down on the ground.

 

Holy shit. It's not going away. He is thinking as loudly and horribly about his Bro -- not Dirk, his Bro, god this fucking game has made everything confusing -- on a stripper pole in a g-string with twenties crammed into it, but even that's not working. He's touching his cock through his jeans and oh holy shit he really, really needs to jerk off. Really.

 

He runs a few hills away and fucking prays no one decides to fly over or look more closely. He unzips his jeans and turns towards the hill and keeps his head down and jerks off as hard and fast as he can.

 

He has never come so hard in his life.

 

How do you breathe again?

 

\--

 

Dave avoids Karkat and Terezi and then realizes he should maybe avoid all trolls for good measure, except Rose is with Kanaya when he finally finds her, but... hey, no boner around this troll. Weird. Relief, kind of. Yeah, definitely relief. "Uh, hey, Rose, can we talk?"

 

"Yeah," Rose says instantly, and casts Kanaya a lingering glance before she hurries off with him. "Something's going on."

 

"No shit," Dave says. "You too?"

 

"Yes," she says, decisively. "I swear I'm not trying to freak you out right now by some sort of Oedipal sexual discusson means. I love making out with Kanaya, it's great, it is. But I can't stop fantasizing about -- " She stops dead, her face flushed. "It's irrational. But I feel like I'm going to die if we don't... but we don't even know how they... um -- "

 

"Pails?" he says, shrugging, and now he has ideas and he can't get them out of his head. "Oh, fuck."

 

"Yeah," Rose says again, a little weakly.

 

"What the fuck," Dave says, firmly.

 

"We need to ask them about this. If this has been known to happen."

 

"Fuck no, I am not asking them if other species usually suddenly want to fuck them senseless," he says. "That is a crazy idea and you're insane for thinking we should do it."

 

"You make a point. They wouldn't know, they've likely never run across other species who aren't carapacians," Rose says thoughtfully. "This is something new."

 

"I swear to fuck if you're about to go to your book and start writing down all the ways you want to fuck Kanaya," Dave says.

 

"Only if you tell me about all the ways you want to fuck..." Rose eyes him. "Who did it for you?"

 

Dave's throat tightens.

 

"Terezi?"

 

Oh, god, he hopes so.

 

"Not Terezi?"

 

"It was Terezi," Dave says, "and I'm not telling you shit."

 

"You should. I'm your sister. We can talk about these things."

 

"You said no weird incestuous shit," he tells her, giving her a firm glare through his shades.

 

"How is that weird and incestuous? Tell me more," Rose says, clearly enjoying this.

 

"You are such a pain in the ass," Dave says, "I'm not telling you shit, like I said."

 

"I wasn't planning on documenting much anyway. Not the fantasies, at least. Just our biological reactions. I assume I can guess at yours."

 

He covers his face with his hands. "Jesus, Rose!"

 

"You're such a puritan. You think we don't know about you and John -- although John less so, which I find interesting -- and your -- " Rose smirks. "Extracurriculars?"

 

"You're such a nerd," Dave says, through his hands, and looks up. "We're in another universe, there's no school."

 

"You're deflecting." Rose shrugs. "You didn't do anything with Terezi, did you?"

 

"No," Dave says instantly.

 

"All right." Rose pats him on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure it's not a big deal."

 

"Maybe not to you," he grumbles. "It's not visible on you."

 

"Maybe we should get you a codpiece," she says. "No one will know the difference."

 

"Jesus you're such a bitch sometimes," Dave says, without malice, almost a compliment. "Excuse me while I go puke a little." He walks off.

 

"Let me know if you want to tell them," Rose calls after him.

 

Dave cringes, thankful she can't see his face.

 

This is bullshit.

 

\--

 

Dave wakes up to Terezi's face.

 

"Hey Dave," she says, grinning.

 

Oh, god. He scrambles back, bunches up his blankets. "Jesus, what the fuck," he complains. "Don't do that!"

 

"Did I scare you?" she taunts.

 

"No," he says, stubbornly. "You're not scary."

 

"Bullshit," she says cheerily. "You're scared."

 

He has this feeling he should get rid of her as quickly as possible. "Nope," he says easily.

 

"Then why are you avoiding me?" Not guilt-inducing, not sad, not anything obvious, really, more like curiosity maybe? Except it's a little more than that.

 

"I dunno," he says. "You miss me or something?"

 

"Yeah," she says plainly. "Don't you miss me?"

 

"Funny," Dave says, "I'll hang out with you later if you really need more Strider time." What the fuck; it's happening again.  _ It keeps happening. _ "You mind? I need my beauty sleep."

 

"You really don't," she teases.

  
Yeah, there it is, that amazing awful indescribable rush of awesome that is getting incredibly turned on. Oh, fuck, she's leaned on his bed, and -- shit -- he doesn't know what she has down there, at all, but he's staring at her tits and -- oh, christ fucking shit jesus god.

 

"Striiiiider," she taunts again, that sing-song of hers, "you're being obvious."

 

He is so glad the blanket's covering his crotch. He feels like he's going to die. Rose was so right about that.

 

Fuck, even thinking about Rose getting all hot and bothered about Kanaya isn't working.

 

"You need to not flirt with me," he says in a rush. Terezi's eyebrows rise. "I mean, fuck, Terezi, something's fucking -- I don't know and -- " He's babbling. "Can you go? I really need you to go. Anywhere but here."

 

"Oh, wow," Terezi murmurs, and it's really, really hot, and he is definitely going to die. She's crawling on his bed. She's  _ on his bed _ . Is this a sex dream? It has to be. "You need to pail bad, don't you?"

 

He releases a shaky breath. "Terezi," he says, voice strained.

 

She kisses him, then, harshly, and jesus it's amazing. He kisses her desperately and his hips arch without him even thinking about it and oh, holy shit, she knows so badly and please, please, she needs to do something about it.

 

She leans away and it takes everything within him not to sigh wistfully or groan or beg.

 

"You want me, coolkid?"

 

She needs to stop teasing him, physically and verbally, and now he wonders if that's part of it, in the part of his head that's not lost all of the brain to other, more pressing concerns. She leans against his hips and he groans. "Yes," he says in a rush. Fuck! Fuck, he just said that! Fuck. This is horrifying.

 

"Good to know," Terezi says, smirks broadly, and crawls off his bed.

 

"Terezi," he's saying, and he kind of hates the sound of his own voice, especially because he shouldn't have said a fucking thing, because now she's laughing as she goes. "Terezi -- " The door shuts behind her.

 

He hurriedly pulls down his pajama pants and takes his cock in hand and now he has the most  _ amazing _ thought even though it was just her on top of him, but somehow it was the hottest thing.

 

He comes so hard he practically can't breathe after.

 

"Help," he begs the multiverse in general.

 

Spoiler: the multiverse doesn't help. The multiverse doesn't give a shit about Dave Strider's sex life, at best, and at worst it thinks this is hilarious.

 

\--

 

Rose is wide-eyed and surprisingly untalkative the next time Dave finds her at her book.

 

"What's wrong with you?" he asks, before he thinks twice about it.

 

"I fucked her," she says, in a low tone.

 

This stuns him silent. "Well that didn't take long," he says.

 

"No, it didn't. She must..." Rose trails off. "It was amazing," she confesses.

 

"Yeah, I believe that." Wait, why is he talking to her about this? "I mean. You two. I don't. Whatever," he finishes.

 

"Did you," she starts.

 

" _ No _ ," Dave says firmly. "They say guys are bad about this kind of thing, jesus."

 

"Kanaya wanted me, too, what can I say?" Rose pauses. "She was so into it. Worryingly so."

 

"Did she bite you? Draw a little candy red blood?"

 

"Don't bring your Terezi-kinks into my sex life, Dave."

 

He feels his face go hot. "She's not serious about that."

 

"Pretty sure she is," Rose says easily, "but whatever you want to believe."

 

"Anyway," he says, insistent and loud, "what can we do about it?"

 

"I don't know," she says.

 

"Wait, say that again," Dave says.

 

"I genuinely don't know," she says, ignoring that. "This is new to all of us. We'll have to figure it out as we go along."

 

"I can't keep doing this," he says; he'd aimed for a firm tone but that definitely came out more desperate. "It's fucking killing me. And Terezi isn't exactly -- " SHIT, why does he keep talking about this? "Don't ask me, I'm not telling you shit."

 

"You keep saying that, but then you do tell me shit," Rose says, smirking.

 

"That's because this shit is ruining my fucking cool and that's pissing me off to be honest," he says. "Fuck this. I'm asking Karkat."

 

She looks interested. "What could he possibly know about this?"

 

"He knows a lot about troll shit. I don't know," he says, "but at least -- "

 

"What about Terezi?"

 

"I'm not asking her." Then he realizes what she's saying. "Oh."

 

"Yeah," Rose says, "maybe you want another approach."

 

"Fuck this shit," Dave says, and it's way more miserable than he ever wants to sound.

 

"You enjoy that; I'm going to keep fucking my girlfriend," she says. "By the way, have you noticed..."

 

"I have noticed," he says, sarcastically. "I have noticed very, very much, in my pants, thanks for asking."

 

"It's not about physical contact," Rose says, ignoring that. "It's just talking, too."

 

His face is burning again. "Nope," he says. "Didn't notice that."

 

"You're a terrible liar sometimes," she says. "Flirting makes it worse. Try to keep it together, Strider, or just beg for it. That's what I did."

 

"I'm not begging for shit," Dave says, firmly. "I'll ask you for bad advice another time. Until then, enjoy your vampire girlfriend, Twilight."

 

"I will," she says cheerfully.

 

Dave ignores that. He's got bigger problems than knowing about his sister's sex life.

 

\--

 

Dave figures out a few things about this new whatever within the next day and a half:

1) It's not about looking at someone's tits or whatever trolls call them.

2) It can happen even if you don't fucking talk at all, somehow.

3) The more freaked out you get, the more likely the troll's going to mock you, and that makes it worse.

 

#2 is the one that confuses him the most. He'll be just hanging out with the Mayor and Karkat will come over and Terezi does her stupid dragon-phone thing and they're bitching back and forth and it's almost sickening to listen to, even if he didn't want to screw the girl involved, and boom, awkward waiting around until they're too busy arguing to notice him wandering off with a tent pitched in his pants.

 

He's kind of lucky they don't know about human anatomy. At least, that Karkat and Terezi don't, and Kanaya doesn't know about dudes and probably never wants to, so he's got that going for him, at least.

 

This is somehow not encouraging. Oh, good, he's got one defense against the onslaught of  _ I can't listen to two assholes flirt without getting hard _ .

 

He has some theories, which also pisses him off a little, because this is Rose's area. But whatever, he didn't give in yet, so he has way more data on this.

 

"I hate that this is a thing we have to do," Dave says, after he tells her what's up.

 

"I don't," Rose says; her hair is all tousled.

 

"You need to stop having sex marathons with Kanaya. It's annoying," he says.

 

"What, because you're not?"

 

"Because you're That Couple and everyone hates that couple."

 

"Trolls don't seem to mind. Likely has to do with the reproduction requirements -- "

 

"This is what I'm talking about," Dave declares. "Theories? Your business."

 

"Leave them to me," Rose agrees. "You keep... collecting data." She considers him, obviously amused. "Nothing yet?"

 

"No, I am the only guy in the history of guys to ever avoid getting laid because of scientific reasons or what the fuck ever," he says, "I hope you're happy."

 

"Oh, you are cranky," she says, a little delighted, or at least mock-delighted. He hates it anyway. "What's that face for?"

 

"It's for 'I'm not in the mood for this.'"

 

"You sound like Karkat, you know," Rose says.

 

"You sound like whatever," Dave shoots back, brilliantly, then walks away on that stupid, undramatic note.

 

"Good one," Rose calls after him.

 

"Oh look it's the last word and I'm getting it," Dave says, easily rushing the words, and shuts the door.

 

Beats. He is going to drop beats, and it is going to be awesome, and he is so prepared for that except he wanders past a half-opened door in the ship and something knocks over and his stomach tugs and he looks.

 

Terezi's kissing Karkat, more brutally than she'd kissed him, and Karkat's throwing every bit of crazy FEELINGS he has at Terezi and yeah it's a full-on makeout session. Dave wants to be thinking  _ when did this happen _ and  _ but Terezi wanted me _ and  _ why the fuck would she choose him _ but he is practically so turned on he thinks he might fall to his knees and faint.

 

He leans against the doorjamb and his eyelids flutter and oh jesus he's actually going to faint from getting horny, and this is the stupidest fucking biological reaction to bullshit he's ever had, and also Rose is not wrong about him turning a little bit into Karkat.

 

Karkat doesn't notice when Dave scrambles up and the door moves, but Terezi does, and Karkat pulls in a sharp, slow, desperate breath -- when Dave looks, she has his lower lip between her sharp teeth, and that is incredibly hot, and Karkat seems to agree. She's drawing blood, and he has literally never found that hot before.

 

What is happening.

 

"Hey Dave," she says, deliberately teasing, "come here."

 

He freezes. Oh, this is going to be the moment, isn't it? This is the part where he's going to beg her like some sort of total fucking wuss to fuck him senseless and she's just going to laugh at him and it's going to be more emasculating than Rose ever could hope to be. It occurs to him, too, that this is going to happen in front of Karkat who she's clearly chosen over him because he's  _ actually another troll _ and when did he get all these feelings, jesus.

 

"Dave," Terezi repeats, a growl now in her voice. "Come. Here."

 

He's by them before he really even thinks twice about it. It sets Karkat off immediately. "What the fuck is this, Terezi," he says, already starting to rage. "Why the hell are you bringing Strider into this shit, he's your ex-matesprit and he doesn't even count because he's a fucking  _ human _ and -- "

 

"Hey," Dave cuts in; even through the haze that pisses him off. "Fuck you, Karkat -- "

 

"Fuck you!" Karkat fires back, on a roll now. "Fuck this whole thing, I'm not standing for it, we finally figured this shit out, Terezi, I'm not giving up on -- on this shit, I'm  _ not _ so fuck you if you think I am."

  
"Jegus gog," Terezi says, "you two are huge dorks. Also idiots."

 

"Your boyfriend's an asshole," Dave says; at the very least the haze of lust is starting to weaken. Go figure, start a fight over the girl and it breaks the sex bullshit right up.

 

"Then she has a type," Karkat says acidly. "Do you mind? Terezi and I need to talk."

 

"Karkat," she growls, and grabs him by the shirt. He resists, and she kisses him like it's a punishment and Karkat surrenders after a split second, growling himself when she pulls back the instant he returns the kiss. "I am  _ trying _ to make this work. So shut up for ten seconds."

 

"Make what work, kicking him out the fucking door?"

 

"Ten seconds," Terezi repeats, "how hard is that?"

 

Dave is staring at them like a guy stares at a picture of a naked chick, except they're two fully-clothed aliens and this is the stupidest most ridiculous thing to happen to anyone ever.

 

"Figured it out," Terezi says, and touches Dave's chest, above his heart; his pulse leaps to her touch and he tries not to sway on his feet. Swooning is for idiot asshole people who are not cool like him. "See, Karkat?  _ He's reacting to conscupience. _ "

 

"What the fuck are you talking about," Karkat says.

 

"Flirting," Dave says, before he realizes he is. Yeah, he's practically drunk on this shit, and he has no choice. It sucks, kind of, but like getting drunk to kiss the girl -- at least there's Terezi and she's being Terezi and oh god, he was bad about Terezi but now he's totally gone on her because of this shit. Fuck. "...Flirting. You flirt. I. I don't. Fuck. Can I just go?"

 

"You wanted to pail," Terezi says, all casual. "I said two words to you or something." She points down at his crotch. "And there it was."

 

"Oh, fuck," Dave swears, and Karkat says something similar at the exact same second.

 

"Terezi I don't want to hear about this asshole's alien sex organs especially when it's because he wants to pail with you," Karkat snaps off.

 

"You are so jealous," Dave notes absently.

 

"I'm not, I just hate you," Karkat retorts.

 

"You are trying way too hard at this," Terezi tells Karkat, hauling him over to her other side. "You're not pitch for him, he's sure as hell not pitch for you."

 

"I... hatemance," Dave says, slowly. "You want to hatemance me, man?"

 

"I don't want to hatemance you, I just fucking hate you," Karkat says, in a furious rush, "Terezi, don't put ideas in this deviant's head I swear to gog you're just fucking with me right now and I hate it -- "

 

"Karkat, shut up," Terezi says, and shoves him up against the wall and kisses him, this time more fervently but gently, and Dave falls against the nearest surface, a table, before leaning against it for any kind of support. He's definitely hard now, and his hand's practically stroking his cock through his jeans on its own, and  _ that's _ when she looks back at him, slyly.

 

"See what I mean?" she asks Karkat.

 

"Oh, holy fuck, you nook-sniffing psycho," Karkat says, "get the fuck away from us and get your sister to figure out what the fuck is wrong with you, please.  _ Please _ . You hear that? The magic fucking word! Please -- "

 

"I'm not doing this on purpose," Dave insists, and forces his hand away from his cock, now straining in his jeans. "You think I like starting this shit and jerking off all the time because you fuckers won't stop flirting with each other or with me, you think I like this, well I wish I could but it's not under my fucking control and that's bullshit!"

 

Karkat raises his eyebrows. "That is really fucked up," he said.

 

"He's flushed for you," Terezi says out of nowhere. "You know that?"

 

"What the fuck, no," Karkat says, taken aback. "Where the hell did that come from?"

 

"It makes sense why he'd want me one-on-one, but you  _ and _ me, just now, doesn't involve him, and jealousy doesn't trigger positive conscupient reactions, does it," Terezi needles Karkat, "does it, Mr. Romance Guy, no, it's only actual conscupient quadrant interaction, so that's you  _ and _ me, Karkat, he wants  _ you _ , too."

 

"I really don't," Dave says, immediately.

 

"See?" Karkat says, gesturing at him. "See, he's just a deviant in  _ your _ direction. Kick him out."

 

"Talk to him," Terezi orders Karkat. "If it doesn't work I'll deal with this."

 

"What the fuck am I supposed to -- "

 

"Do it," she growls.

 

Karkat looks at Dave, and looks like he might say something, then he looks at Terezi who shakes her head at him. He looks back at Dave, and just starts talking. "I don't get this. I don't get this at all, Strider, you and I were good, we were meteor bros or whatever the fuck you said, then you started going after Terezi again and now that's -- "

 

"I'm -- not -- " Dave's stuttering like an idiot. "I didn't mean for this to happen." God, he sounds pitiful.

 

"Then stop doing it," Karkat says, but he almost sounds a little concerned through the pissed off tone, and Dave feels this stupid rush of emotion that might be fear or warmth or something and he wants so, so badly to touch him, jesus, just once, and -- 

 

His hand lands on Karkat's bare wrist (and he wants to sit down on the floor because his head is light and his cock is starting to hurt) and Karkat doesn't move, he just looks at Dave, bereft. "That's pity," he says, maybe agreeing with Terezi or something.

 

"I don't pity you, I like you," Dave says, then does sink to the ground and sit there, face in his hands. "No. I should go."

 

"This is hormonal," Terezi says to Karkat, "you reached maturity, I did too, now he's turned into an idiot about conscupience and you're telling me that's a coincidence?"

 

"It doesn't make sense, he's human -- and he might have a flush crush but I don't want that shit -- not to mention  _ you can't share quadrants _ so what's the point talking about this, anyway?"

 

Terezi glances down at Dave, who is checked the fuck out from all this. Then she says, "You wouldn't have tried to go pitch with him if you didn't want to share."

 

She's smirking. Dave is pretty sure this isn't a way a god-tier can die, but it sure as fuck feels like it.

 

Karkat looks down at him, too."St -- " He shakes his head. "Dave." Dave swallows hard and looks up at him. "You don't -- it's not flushed. Between us. And you know that."

 

He's really not in the position to make decisions like that. "I don't know shit, obviously."

 

"I did the math," Terezi says, impatiently. "Get your shit together, nubs, or I swear to jegus I'm just going to take him to his bed and pail him so hard -- "

 

"Fuck that!" Karkat throws his hands up. "I won't say I haven't thought about it! But flush crushes are bullshit and that's why your math is -- "

 

"You flush crushed on him, he's flush crushing on you, that makes a conscupient match, maybe not a great one but it's there," Terezi says. "Do the math, Mr. Romance Guy."

 

"That's a stupid nickname," Karkat says without missing a beat, but doesn't look at either of them.

 

Terezi leans down to Dave and offers her hand. "Up," she orders, and Dave stands, looking between them.

 

"You're saying I want to fuck Karkat too," Dave says slowly.

 

"Oh yeah this one's a genius, send him to legislacerator camp," Karkat says, "he'll be top of the class, biggest kill count, good for you, Dave."

 

"You practically fainted when you touched him so yeah I'm thinking you want a piece of this adorable nubby asshole, yeah." Terezi's smirk practically beams, somehow, and Karkat growls. "Karkat, thoughts?"

 

"It's a quadrant fuckup all the way around. Can't work."

 

"Who cares about the quadrant laws now?" she almost snaps at him.

 

"I do! It's fucked up to do that shit! It was the  _ one thing _ that was written for a reason, everyone knows!"

 

"Yeah well they weren't looking at aliens, were they?"

 

Karkat looks at Dave again. "She's trying to share you but it's gross as fuck, I'm not doing it."

 

"You wanted it," Terezi says, smugly. "You tried to go pitch so we could share, I sawwww. So don't pretend, Karkat." She pushes her fingers into his hair, strokes his horns, and half the tension leaves his body or at least makes way for new tension; Dave literally makes a sound that's not a whimper, probably, hopefully. "Don't pretend you don't like  _ that _ ."

 

Karkat makes a sound of discontent. "How is this cool? What about his -- "

 

"No soporifics, no mind-control, just quadrants," Terezi insists, "this is just -- "

 

"Fast-tracking it?" Karkat asks, a little on edge. "You _ just explained _ that he and I are flushed -- you and I, we've only been -- for a few days -- and now you want to -- what the fuck, Terezi?"

 

"Fine, kick him out," Terezi says offhand. "Dave, go."

 

"Please," Dave bursts out. God. He can't stand it now. He drops to his knees, not even consciously, just exhausted under the weight of the need. "Please, Terezi,  _ please _ ."

 

Terezi looks down at him, all scary but amazing shit in her eyes, and she looks to Karkat. "Mercy pail. I'm going."

 

"Your first pailshare is not going to be with this asshole," Karkat says heatedly.

 

"Then pail with me."

 

There's dead silence for a moment, other than Dave's heart practically exploding probably, and Karkat says, "This is so fucked up. I have never seen or read anything this fucked up. What the fuck."

 

"Humans," Terezi says, and shrugs. She pulls Dave up. "Your room. Now."

 

\--

 

The walk to the bedroom totally sucks, because Terezi's pretending this isn't weird and changing the subject, and Karkat is practically silent which is really fucking weird, and not to mention that Dave's cock fucking aches.

 

"So," Terezi goes on merrily -- Dave was tuning her out -- "after this I say we go to mini-Strider's planet and play -- "

 

"Terezi, stop," Karkat says, flatly, devoid of anger, serious, almost. "I... I get it. You. You do it."

 

"You really don't want to," Terezi says, mildly surprised.

 

"I don't want you pity-pailing him," Karkat says, more desperate than Dave's ever seen him. "I -- Terezi. I understand, though."

 

Terezi touches Karkat's shoulder, and he tenses. "If you want to be my matesprit you need to calm down about, I don't know, everything and stop idealizing romance. This is not one of your movies. Things are complicated in real life."

 

"You think I didn't know that, hey things are complicated in real life, Dave, that explains fucking everything about all the shit after -- "

 

Terezi clocks him on the side of the head, gently. "Shut up," she tells him.

 

Karkat glares at her, and Dave ducks into his room immediately to hopefully shut the door and be left alone. He's got his hand on the switch and is about to shut them out when Terezi yanks his arm away.

 

"You really want us out?" Terezi asks him, plainly, openly concerned.

 

Oh, jesus christ, he wants her so badly, and it must be obvious on his face because she pulls him close, gestures Karkat in with her head, and draws Dave into a kiss as she shuts the door and locks it.

 

Dave can practically hear Karkat's silence, but he's too busy trying to keep his cool except it's impossible. He makes some stupid desperate sound and Terezi deposits him on the bed. "Stay," she tells him, and looks to Karkat. "Go. If you want to go. Karkat, I don't think quadrants are as quick and easy as you say they are because I'm flushed for him and I'm flushed for you and I don't think that either of those is less because of some stupid laws."

 

"You're an aspiring legislacerator who... doesn't like laws," Karkat says slowly.

 

"I'm a potential matesprit who's tired of your pedantic avoidant hoofbeast product," Terezi fires back. "He's human. The rules don't apply."

 

Dave has never wondered if he could come without touching himself, but now he is, not because he wants to but because it seems inevitable if they don't shut up. He ignores them, he has to, he crams his hand down his pants. "Mngh," he says, involuntarily.

 

Karkat's staring at him when his eyes open and happen to fall on him, and his fingers curl around his cock and he squeezes and he shudders. "Humans are fucking weird," Karkat says, "but, I, uh... wow."

 

"Lessons in human anatomy," Terezi says, slyly, "start now. Unless you have a problem, Karkat."

 

"I can't believe I'm agreeing to this." Karkat's just staring at Dave and Dave's staring back at him, eyes half-lidded as he strokes his cock. (Normally, this turned on, this much whatever, he'd have come already on principle, but he can tell he's nowhere near. Shit. He almost wants to cry, he wants to, needs to, come so badly.) "Shit. Yeah." He closes the distance between himself and where Terezi stands by Dave, and his breath hitches in his chest. "Shit," he swears again, quietly.

 

Terezi pulls her shirt over her head and tosses it to Karkat, and Dave is for some reason terrified to unzip his jeans, like they're going to freak out at seeing a human dick or something, but fuck, he needs to. "Tere-mmph," he manages, before Terezi's on top of him and kissing him again.

 

"Here we go," she murmurs, after she's kissed him completely stupid, and palms his cock through the jeans. He groans pitifully, and Karkat leans on the bed, closer, clearly conflicted when Dave looks at him, but he kisses Terezi, and that's when she unzips Dave's jeans and holy shit this is happening.

 

Terezi shifts off of Dave so they can take off his jeans and Karkat warily looks at him and Terezi is fascinated and oh  _ god _ it's terrifying having her claws near his cock but he almost doesn't care because he is that desperate to be touched. "Your turn, Karkat," she taunts him.

 

"This is so weird," Karkat mutters, but he -- more carefully than Terezi -- takes Dave's cock in his hand, through his boxers, and he makes a really stupid sound and arches into his touch, desperate. "Oh, fuck. Fuck, this is so fucked up, I am so fucked up for -- why -- "

 

Terezi leans in by Karkat and her hand slips between his legs and he goes stiff in the shoulders and chokes out a breath, and she cackles. "Because you want it," she says. "Don't even pretend."

 

"Fuck," Karkat says, weakly, "dammit, Terezi -- " Her hand stays there, works whatever he's got down there, and he strokes Dave's cock and swear to god Dave never would have figured a threesome with aliens would be the best day of his life. "Fine, whatever, let's, um, oh, fuck, Terezi," Karkat babbles on, and he shudders, then Terezi does something that makes him choke desperately on his own breath again. "Let's see the weird alien genitals already."

 

He pulls down the boxers before Dave has much say in it, and there's silence before Dave looks up into Terezi's face and sees immense interest and satisfaction.

 

"It's... yeah," Karkat manages. "Okay, whatever, we'll, um -- "

 

"That is going to be awesome in your nook and you know it," she says to Karkat, all low and sultry.

 

"Jegus I yeah okay," Karkat says in a rush, and looks down at Dave; he's  _ embarrassed _ . Dave stares at him, confused. "Strider, we can't let her tell us what to do the entire time, what the fuck do you want?"

 

"I... literally have no idea what's in your pants," Dave says, "so, uh, don't know if I'm really the person to ask."

 

"You heard him," Terezi says, cheerfully, and he watches her kiss Karkat's neck then scrape her teeth against the skin and lick the blood and, jesus, yeah, that's a thing that just happened. Her fingers, her claws, dig in between his legs and he practically pitches forward onto the bed, gasping. "Take off your pants."

 

"Shit, shit fuck," Karkat swears, and in his weird furious way he grabs Dave by the hair and kisses him the same way he'd been kissing Terezi, all nastiness and passion and seriously dirty lust, now that he's experiencing it himself. Again, he's not really thinking this so much as wondering if you can come from a kiss. "Pants," he orders Dave, and Dave hurriedly helps him push them off, and Terezi is casually stripping down on Dave's other side and holy shit  _ this is happening _ !

 

"Fuck," Dave breathes; his heart is hammering in his chest like crazy.

 

There's a pause, because Karkat is staring at Terezi with his eyes wide and vulnerable and he reaches to take her shades off her face. Everyone's completely silent and for a split second Dave feels horrible because he's somehow dragged a guy who loves this girl into a threesome because he couldn't keep his cock under control. Then Terezi smiles, broadly, and kisses Karkat, and his hands are on her tits and okay Dave is being left alone but this hormonal shit means he's writhing and helpless and touching himself -- but it's  _ still not enough _ .

 

"Fuck, fuck fuck fuck," he swears, desperately, under his breath, and neither of them hears him because they're making out, basically naked; Terezi's pants fall from her hips as they're sucking face and their hands are wandering insanely and Karkat fucking moans into Terezi's mouth.

 

That's when Dave mewls. Actually mewls. He's starting to understand why Rose gave in so fast; she'd actually been dating Kanaya, been making out with her and shit, and it's so much worse when this is going on.

 

Karkat breaks the kiss, reluctantly, and looks at Dave. "You have a pail?"

 

Dave's brain threatens to break. "Why would I have a pail?"

 

"I'll alchemize some," Terezi says, casually, and pulls on her shirt and jeans again. Karkat visibly wants to complain about this development but reconsiders, and she says before she leaves, "Entertain yourselves."

 

She leaves them alone and shuts the door behind her.

 

Dave looks at Karkat, and Karkat looks at Dave. For the first time, Dave's seeing a troll naked, and it's weird, but not bad weird, or at least not scary weird, or at least not scary weird when he badly wants to fuck or be fucked by everything involved. His nerves aren't winning out, at least. He sees what was making Karkat's boxers damp, what's obviously the nook, and he is a little faint just staring at it and thinking all about the dirty sexy shit he can do to it, to Karkat.

 

"You really want this," Karkat says, quietly, clearly astonished.

 

Dave has never even imagined that tone coming out of Karkat's mouth. He's not sure how to answer, at first. "Yeah," he says, and props himself up on his elbows. "You..."

 

"Take that stupid shirt off," Karkat interrupts him.

 

Dave sits up, pulls it off, and Karkat's breath goes ragged; when he looks up at Karkat, there's... something else. Yeah. "Uh," he manages.

 

It's a tapered tentacle dick thing. Between Karkat's legs, from behind the nook, and Karkat has it in his hand and he's not moving his hand, it's just pulsing and moving between his fingers and jesus Dave can't stop looking. "I never, fucking ever, thought you'd flush back at me," Karkat says bluntly.

 

"I didn't think. I mean." Dave swallows; fuck, he cannot get the idea of that thing pulsing away in his mouth out of his head. "It's different with humans. Uh. Some of us're like Kanaya, just, only -- "

 

"You're saying you aren't attracted to guys," Karkat says, "yeah, sure."

 

"I'm not saying that," Dave says; how is his face hot, how is there enough blood for that? He realizes that he's been touching his own cock again and that's why he's feeling so, so much better. "Saying I didn't know or didn't think or but I always did kind of. But my Bro -- not Dirk -- kind of Dirk? He -- " This is so fucking weird. "He was, too. Gay, I mean. Not interested in women. And I just. I didn't think... we both could."

 

"That's stupid," Karkat says plainly.

 

It occurs to Dave that they're having this conversation while they're both basically jacking off. He sits up and with a rush of flat-out lust-based courage, before Karkat can say a fucking word, Dave pulls him down into a fierce kiss and grasps one of his horns. Karkat makes a desperate sound into his mouth and leans into Dave, and it's seriously insane to even think it but he's making out with Karkat Vantas.

 

Karkat shifts, a leg over Dave's, and he presses against him and his nook presses against Dave's cock, all wet and warm, and Dave shudders and presses forward involuntarily. Karkat growls into the kiss and Dave flat-out moans and this is escalating fast as hell. "Strider," Karkat growls.

 

Dave is tensing and about to beg again when something's wrapping around his cock -- it's not Karkat's hand, is it? no, no claws -- no, holy shit, it's Karkat's dick? What the actual  _ no oh god that's amazing _ . "Nggggh," he manages, and kisses Karkat to keep from making any more idiotic sounds.

 

"Wowwww," Terezi drawls from the door, and Karkat freezes above him and Dave pants and bites his lip to keep from saying anything, desperate to keep his cool. "Having fun?"

 

"Yeah," Karkat says, defensively. "It's what you wanted, isn't it?"

 

"I didn't say 'climb on him and ride him like a hoofbeast.'" Terezi punches the door button and it shuts and locks. She's smirking like mad and Dave watches her take her clothes off casually, and Karkat can't seem to look away; Dave moves his hips, hoping against hope that Karkat's tentacle dick will keep massaging him, and for a few thrusts it does and it's  _ awesome _ . Then Karkat unwraps his cock from around Dave's and grabs Dave by the neck, his claws scratching under his hairline. He gasps, but Karkat's mouth presses against his and his jaw and his neck; right about then Terezi crosses from behind him and crawls onto the bed beside him, carefully scratching her claws along his chest.

 

Terezi whispers something to Karkat; Karkat sinks his teeth into Dave's shoulder, and the wonderful fucking feeling of the tentacle dick envelops his cock, but it's warmer and softer, but working him harder, and he literally chokes on his breath. That's when he realizes who it is, and opens his eyes to see; Terezi is jerking him off with her tentacle dick.

 

Okay.

 

Fuck it. It's awesome. Who cares.

 

"Fingers," she says, a little breathless, and he realizes she's turned on, too. He realizes what she means, and he shifts enough to run his fingertips along the entrance of her nook, the clearly sensitive, wet skin, and she groans, squeezes his cock with her tentacle, and he begins to play with it hurriedly because he's terrified he's going to come even though he's not even close to being there yet.

 

Karkat shakes his head, a gesture that Dave barely notices until  _ his _ tentacledick is in Dave's hand and pulsing, and he has no idea how he's supposed to keep track of all this shit, but he's not sure he cares. He starts to jack off Karkat's tentacle, his hips jerking at Terezi's teasing, pulsing, squeezing around his own cock, and he's got two fingers deep in Terezi's nook and follows her lead on where and how and how many.

 

Terezi growls, and he pulls back to insert a third finger, and he curls his fingers in her, trying to imitate the tentacle's movement. She's so wet and tight and her own tentacle is warm and soft around his cock and he wants to come so badly.

 

"Jesus," he groans, and Karkat's practically panting, his tentacle swelling and his hips thrusting along with each pulse and jerk of Dave's hand.

 

But Terezi's the main reason, she's riding Dave's hand and practically sucking it into her nook, and when she growls, loudly, Karkat's head shoots up and he stares as her head lolls back and she clamps down on Dave's hand as she comes. Her tentacle roils around Dave's cock, almost apparently involuntarily, and he comes, messily, all over his stomach, his breaths choppy.

 

Karkat's tentacle is huge and pulsing in his hand for like two seconds after, then he groans and says, "Fuck, fuck, fuck this shit, damn fucking -- " and the tentacle wraps tightly around Dave's hand and lashes and he fucking implodes forward onto the bed as he apparently comes.

 

Dave can practically smell how wet Karkat's nook is. For some reason, he is desperate to fuck it. For another reason, he is desperate to have one of those tentacles in his ass, and he has never considered the general "something fucking you in the ass" thing for longer than two seconds in his life, but they look  _ amazing _ .

 

"Sorry," Dave manages, and pulls his hand away from Karkat's tentacle with some difficulty; his other comes out of Terezi's nook with a little bit of a squelch and her clear discontent. He wipes the come off of his belly, then looks at his cock, which is... still hard.

 

He stares at it some more.

 

"What is your problem?" Karkat manages.

 

"Not used to that," he says.

 

"To what?"

 

He points down at his cock. "That. Should not be happening."

 

Karkat looks blank. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

 

"Shouldn't still be -- hard. Like that. I came," he tries to explain.

  
"What, from just once?"

 

Terezi starts to laugh. "Damn," she says, sniggering. "He's pailing like one of us too."

 

"What?" Now Karkat seems to be taking offense.

 

"Better get back to it. You know what happens if we don't."

 

_ What happens? _ Wait, Dave doesn't care. He doesn't care about any of this. It's starting to overwhelm him again. "Back to..." He's touching his cock again, and it's slick from the tentacle and some leftover come, but it's great. "Ugh," he groans.

 

"No," Terezi says, pulling his hand away by the wrist. Dave practically whines. "You're going to use that on Karkat."

 

"What?" Karkat asks.

 

"Yeah. Unless you don't want it? I'll take it. I'll take it until I can't take it anymore, Karkat -- "

 

Turns out Karkat can't take the taunt. He's just staring at Dave's cock now, and Dave really, really likes that. "Later," he says. "You get it later."

 

Terezi smirks, and Dave tries to remember how to breathe. Karkat's straddling his hips now, and Terezi growls, that's it, and Dave just knows. He shifts, takes up his cock, Karkat guides it into his nook and they slide together.

 

Oh, shit. Oh, fucking hell, Dave can't think words, it's just awesome. Just like Terezi's reaction to his fingers, Karkat's nook is not prepared for something big like his cock, which, his isn't huge or anything but it's big enough and Karkat's claws are scratching his side as he slowly rides Dave's cock, getting prepared, trying to breathe through how his nook seems to be trying to suck Dave in cock-first.

 

It's amazing. It's clearly amazing for both of them. Dave never thought fucking Karkat Vantas would be like this, but he starts to thrust up into him, showing him how to shove his hips down onto Dave's, and... then it just turns into straight-up fucking. He's not sure what he expected but Karkat is hot as hell right now, he's all desperate and vulnerable and angry -- no, frustrated, and each time that Dave thrusts up harder into him that frustration vanishes into ecstasy, and it's  _ incredible _ .

 

Then Karkat stops moving, and he shoves Dave down, and Dave thinks he might cry.

 

"You sure?" he asks Terezi, cautiously.

 

It's not clear what's going on but apparently they had sort of been talking during all that awesomeness, and Terezi shifts towards Dave. "I like your nubby-toothed mouth," she drawls, and her tentacle enters his vision.

 

Normally it wouldn't occur to him. But it had, and he really, really wants to know, for some reason, and he wants to watch Terezi come again, to come really, really hard. "Yes," he breathes, and her face is brilliantly smug but wide-eyed with lust as he is; it teases around his mouth, but once it touches the inside of his mouth, the warm and the wet of his tongue makes it pulse and Terezi moans, half a growl, and Karkat shudders, desperate.

 

"Now," he growls.

 

"Yeah," Terezi says, breathing raggedly.

 

They start fucking again, and Dave desperately sucks Terezi's tentacle as he fucks up into Karkat's eager, weirdly massaging nook, and god the tentacle is great. He is obviously way less straight than he thought he was. It pulses in his mouth and his gag reflex isn't as bad as he would think it is; it pushes deeper into his mouth, and Terezi hums through a growl. Karkat starts a litany of curse words and Dave can't think anything resembling words, one hand's wrapped around the tentacle, the other clutching Karkat's hips and guiding him harder onto Dave's cock.

 

Karkat shifts on Dave's cock and it presses deeper into Karkat's nook and Karkat groans and breathes a " _ yes _ " before he can do anything more like his non-orgy self, really, but Dave flat-out moans around Terezi's tentacle, then again as Karkat pounds himself onto his cock, right on that spot, again and again until Dave's just sucking down all of the tentacle he can and fucking the shit out of Karkat, and -- 

 

Terezi's tentacle yanks from his mouth, and Karkat's still riding him desperately. Dave wills himself not to come, not sure what'll happen if he comes inside of an alien, not sure he wants to, definitely not sure he wants to knock up Karkat fucking Vantas, but he's so close and so desperate, and he grabs Karkat and digs his nails into his side, which probably hurts them both. "Karkat," he growls.   
  


"What the fuck," Karkat gets out, all breathy and shit, "I am too fucking close, Strider -- "

 

"Unless you want my genetic material inside your nook you have to stop riding me like a goddamn stallion," Dave forces out.

 

"Shit," Karkat swears loudly, and climbs off, flops over, starts to cram his own fingers into his nook.

 

"Karkat," Terezi says, just as loudly, and he ignores her right up until her tentacle slides between his legs and curls around his tentacle.

 

"Oh,  _ fuck _ ," Karkat breathes, and goes boneless next to Dave; a sexed-up Karkat is somehow one of the hottest things he's ever seen. He rolls over, and Terezi climbs on top of him in a very weird position, and Karkat just looks up at Terezi, dazed, unbearably happy; Terezi smiles, broadly, truly, and her tentacle slides almost slyly into Karkat's dripping nook. The sharp breath he takes is awesome, and Dave's hand is around his wet cock again -- and Karkat's tentacle pushes inside of Terezi, too, and Dave's glasses slide down his nose as he looks on in stunned silence.

 

They're fucking each other. Literally. Apparently that's what all that shit is for; she's got one in him, he's got one in her, and it's kind of the most logical thing he can think of. Terezi looks like she's keeping her shit together, and is just kissing Karkat, who is clearly overwhelmed in the best way. Dave's brain is so confused, he's caught up in the haze of sex they're in, he's guilty and struggling to understand what he's even doing here, he's depressed at the idea of what this actually is, he's -- and -- 

 

"Hunh," Karkat manages, and growls, loudly; he claws at her back and she laughs, practically cackles, and it gets seriously violent, in a weirdly affectionate way. Dave can't help it. He jerks off, and he jerks off hard. He can hardly breathe, his vision swims, he has to come -- 

 

The bed's fucking shaking as Karkat and Terezi make out and tentacle-fuck the shit out of each other, and Dave makes a pathetic sound as his balls tug and he comes, hard, all over his hand, and he laughs, hysterically. It's fantastic, and he just wants more, and when is this ever going to end?

 

He's not sure he wants it to.

 

"Oh, FUCK," Karkat moans, and digs his claws into Terezi's back. "Come on, Pyrope, you can do better than this shit -- "

 

"So can you," Terezi says, licks her lips, and her claws dig into his hips and his hips arch up and her breath catches in her chest. She grins wickedly once she recovers, then his eyes go wide and Terezi practically attacks him.

 

It's not long after that, as Dave watches all wide-eyed; Terezi starts to shudder, both their tentacles are pulsing quickly and are thick, their nooks wet and full, and Karkat makes a strangled sound and buries his claws in Terezi's hips and he arches his hips up against Terezi again, again, then she pants and tenses and -- Karkat starts swearing, a familiar litany now, then Terezi goes face-first into his chest, desperately gasping in air.

 

Only when he notices that their tentacles are still out does he realize his own cock is still hard and hot.

 

"Fuck," he swears.

 

"You too," Terezi says, "huh." Her eyes are on his cock, lecherous, her black lips looking bruised and obscene. "Three it is."

 

He looks at her, surprised. "Um," he says, intelligently.

 

"Do it," Karkat says; his voice is weirdly gentle.

 

"Karkat," Dave starts.

 

"Don't. You should. You will."

 

"I -- " No, he can't. "I, uh. Yeah."

 

Terezi rolls onto her back, next to Dave, and looks at him, running a claw up his cock. Oh, SHIT, that's terrifying, why did it feel good, why is he now ten thousand times more turned on? "Shit, shit," he swears, desperately.

 

"Third time," she says, "always the worst. Gotta get it done, coolkid."

 

Dave scrambles up. He doesn't care, anymore. He just needs his cock somewhere, in his hand, inside her, whatever. He crawls on top of her, kisses her over and over, and puts his cock into the front of her nook and edges it inside.

 

Terezi makes this amazing sound as he does, a higher-pitch, this sound of pure sex, and he moans into her neck, and thrusts deeper inside of her. She clenches around him, digs her claws into his hips and ass, and he laughs again. "Yes," he hisses, and she growls at him -- affection? lust? -- he kisses her anyway, and starts to move.

 

She's different than Karkat, somehow, who was almost afraid for it to stop; Terezi wants to savor it, she's forcing him to take it slower, but keeps faltering because she's as sensitive as he is -- as any of them are -- and her head keeps lolling back and her hips jerk and her tentacle is...

 

It's entwined with Karkat's, and he looks like he wants more than anything to have  _ more, more, more _ , like Dave feels. Just looking at him and his sex face and hair and his horns -- he fucks Terezi harder, she moans, and again, and Karkat growls -- and the words just burst out of Dave's mouth.

 

"Karkat, fuck me, please, fuck me -- "

 

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

 

Karkat's eyes fly open, and Terezi snatches the glasses hanging from Dave's face off and tosses them away. (Part of him cares way too much about that right, but his cock feels amazing and there's something way more important happening.) "Your c -- your -- thing -- my -- please, please, I -- "

 

"You have a nook?" Karkat asks skeptically.

 

"Oh never mind," Dave says finally, pretty sure he doesn't want to get into a discussion about what exactly an asshole is and why someone might want to be fucked in it. Terezi yanks him back down for a harsh kiss, then shoves him back up and Karkat kisses him, too, drawing blood, and he's barely conscious of actually fucking Terezi now, just, everything feels amazing. He keeps a hand on Terezi's hip and puts the other down by their tentacles, and squeezes the tangle, thrusting deep and hard into Terezi, and she practically starts to cry, hysterical, and pulls her tentacle away; her nook clamps down on Dave's, massaging it, and he can't not come, shuddering and making ridiculous sounds and his leg muscles twitching. He can tell this is it, he can feel his cock get soft, and there's splooshing sounds behind him.

 

The trolls are there, boneless, but he can see splashes of red and teal by his bed, and he swallows hard.

 

"Pails," he mumbles.

 

Terezi nods, breathless. She taps him on the nose.

 

"You're pretty without your shades."

 

"He is," Karkat says. "But so are you."

  
God, this is stupid. It's punchy. But it's amazing, and he never wants it to end.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much drama with a Karkat POV. Who would have guessed.

Karkat wakes up, ancestral memories on his tongue, with his arms wrapped around Terezi and Strider's arm draped over him. He sits there for a moment, the events of the night sinking in, then he extricates himself, desperate to keep the other two fucking asleep as long as possible.

He puts on his clothes, his hands shaking as he buttons his pants. "Dammit, dammit," he mutters, and flees back to his respiteblock without hesitation.

It had been so simple when it was just him and Terezi. Two trolls, one quadrant. He had flirted with a lot of relationship possibilities in the last few years (less than Ampora, though, obviously) but he had only really expected one to turn out.

He sinks into his recuperacoon and lets the sopor take effect.

 _Strider._ That asshole. Fuck him.

_Guess what, bulgefuck, you already did._

Absently he finds himself fantasizing about the feeling of Dave's sex organ shoved deep inside his nook.

"Fuck," Karkat mutters, as he sinks deeper. "Grubfucking hoofbeast product." 

\--

He can't avoid them forever, especially as his paranoia mounts over the course of the day. _Where are they? Probably together. Without you._

_Strider's tricked you both. He just wanted her. Now he's edged you out. Now you'll never have her, you dumbfuck._

Eventually he punches a wall, immediately regrets it, and storms out of his respiteblock in a rage, ready to find them doing any of the fifteen thousand things going through his head, most of them absurd sexual positions.

Dave's respiteblock is first. He opens the door. Terezi and Dave are laying down, fully clothed, in his bed.

He's interrupted something. _Good._

"What are you doing?" he asks, loudly.

"Talking," Strider says, as though it's self-evident.

"Come in," Terezi says, sounding almost fucking sincere.

"No, I wouldn't want to interrupt," Karkat says, with as much sarcasm packed into the words as he can manage.

"Since when have you ever cared about interrupting?" Strider says, sitting up. "Get in here. Jesus."

"I'm sure you two have something going on here that you don't want me involved in," Karkat goes on, with amiable venom.

"Karkat," Terezi says in her sharpest tone, with a smile like a knife, "get over here."

He stares at her for a long moment, debating whether or not he wants to blow this debate sky-high, but he also thinks past the rage that he might literally lose every chance with Terezi if he did. He takes a seat at the foot of the bed. "Now what? Braid each other's hair?"

Strider is shifting uncomfortably. "Stop it," he suggests.

Karkat looks at him, irritated. "Stop what?"

Terezi touches Strider's shoulder, and he relaxes as her hand courses down his chest. "It hasn't stopped," she tells Karkat bluntly. "He still needs to pail."

"No. No, fuck no," Karkat swears, standing, "I am not doing that again. That was warped and disgusting and -- "

"You didn't seem to mind when it was happening," Strider says, laconic as ever.

"Terezi talked me into it!" He's practically shrilling now. "And now you two want to, what, make some sort of permanent arrangement just because Strider is too stupid to figure out how to stroke his own whatever!"

Terezi's touching his shoulder now. He tries not to let this affect him, but she's also looking at him in a way that he can tell, even though she's blind, she's about to fucking pap him. All at once he wants to kiss her; all he's wanted for a long time is just to kiss her. Now that Strider fuck is in the way.

They're still just looking at each other. "I don't want him," Karkat says finally.

Strider is squirming. "I don't care if you don't, just -- if you're going to flirt -- "

"I'm not leaving you for him," Terezi says, with obviously forced patience. "Something happened when we matured. His… physiology chose the strongest connections to try to force conscupience. With me. With you. And it's not stopping."

Karkat throws his hands up. "You can't be flushed for two people. Not really. That's not how matespritship works. You have a matesprit, _one_ matesprit, _one_ kismesis -- "

"He's an alien," Terezi cuts him off, insistent. "The rules don't apply."

" _You_ are a fucking troll," Karkat says, mocking her tone. "You can't have two matesprits. Pick. Or I'll -- " Or he'll what? He hasn't really thought this through.

"Or you'll what, exactly?" Terezi is smiling now. "Stomp off and leave me to pail with Strider again, and again, and again -- "

"Oh, _fuck_ you," Karkat retorts, practically shaking in anger now. "You -- what the fuck, Strider?'

Strider's at the foot of the bed with them now. "Just leave me to it," he says, "I don't care. I don't -- just go."

Karkat is hearing what he wants to hear, but also something in Strider's voice he really doesn't want to hear, which is full-blown pity, and deep down he knows it's directed right at him. Now he can't help but think about last night, fucking tangled with him, the way Strider's voice practically broke as he admitted horrible gushy feelings to someone as disgusting and useless as Karkat Vantas.

He hates everything.

He looks at Terezi. "You think our maturation caused this. Is it a breeding thing?" He doesn't even want to think about that. "What is it?"

"I talked to Kanaya earlier," Terezi says, running a claw down Karkat's arm. "She and Rose have been having the same issue. They've concluded they formed a bond of some kind, Under stress and during pailings they can sense each other's thoughts, for example."

There's a long pause before Strider says, "Reading minds during sex. Useless superpower if I've ever heard one."

"A bond," Karkat says, ignoring that. "Like what?"

"Like he might want to pail with us forever," Terezi says, her hand over his.

Karkat goes stiff. " _Forever_?" he repeats.

Terezi shrugs. "Maybe, We don't know much about what's happening. But it seems to be something semi-permanent."

Karkat shakes his head firmly, and again. "I don't want anything to do with this."

"Then go," Strider says bluntly.

Karkat whips around to face Strider fully. "I'm not leaving you alone with Terezi."

Strider stands (or, well, sits) firm. "Then both of you go. I'm not going to make people fuck me. That's not cool."

"Great," Karkat bites off. "Then I'm not going to fuck you." Oh, fuck, he can see in Strider's face that he's turned on. "Jegus gog, what the fuck, this is such a mess," he swears, and stands. "Fuck this. Terezi, let's go."

Terezi doesn't move. "I'm flushed for him. I'm not stopping."

Karkat rages and flails for a moment. "Then -- then -- " Pailing with her was perfect, completely perfect, for once he hadn't felt like a moronic pile of hoofbeast product, and it's all slipping out of his fingers because of some weird biological quirk that some alien, the only alien he'd ever given a damn about before now, had to get set off. 

His hands drop to his sides. "I need to talk to Strider," he says flatly. It's the only way.

Terezi could not look more surprised. "Are you sure?" she asks. "Dave?"

"Yeah, fine," Strider says immediately, and moves back.

"It's fine, what the fuck am I going to do," Karkat tells Terezi. He's the most ineffectual fucking person they have around, after all.

Terezi gets up off of the bed, and stops by Karkat; he looks up at her, and she tilts his chin to drop a kiss onto his mouth. Then, silently, she goes to leave.

There's barely a pause after the door closes, where Strider says, insistently, "I'm not trying to steal Terezi. I'm not."

"I know." That's the thing. It would be so much easier if that was what was happening. Instead, Terezi _wants_ Strider. And him. "But you want her."

"I've always liked her," Strider says, looking away from Karkat. "But this isn't me. I didn't want this, bond, whatever it is. I had pretty much given up on her anyway."

That's news. "Really? Why?" What the fuck is he talking about right now. "Never mind."

"I thought she'd wind up with you, or Vriska." Strider shrugs, then looks at his socked feet. "Why did you want to talk to me?"

Because Karkat doesn't know what the fuck is going on inside his head. He never has, he never will. He'll just make mistakes by opening his stupid fucking mouth and ruin everything good that he could ever have, because he's an inherent walking mistake. Even his blood shows that he's a mistake. "Because I need to figure out what the fuck is going on with us. I already know what's going on with Terezi."

Strider nods, and scratches his head. "It's awkward," he says. "Because we were bros. And I won't say I didn't consider it. Sometimes. Watching movies and shit with you. But, bros. And I always knew you wanted someone else."

It's like Strider took what Karkat was thinking and put it into idiot human terms. "Yeah. I had thoughts. A flushcrush. But it was just a flushcrush."

There's a not fully comfortable silence between them for a moment, then Strider says, "Can I be honest?"

A Strider being honest? Jegus fuck. "I don't know, can you?" Karkat returns, a little baffled.

"I'm kind of into you. I don't know if it's the bond or something. I -- yeah." That's as much honesty as Strider can muster, apparently.

It's enough to freeze Karkat where he sits. "It's just because you want Terezi," he says finally.

Strider shakes his head. "It's different with her. It's… two separate things. You and me, me and her." He pauses. "And you and her. Three."

"But you're just -- " Karkat wants to argue, so much. But he doesn't have anything to say besides, "I think you're full of shit."

Strider makes an impatient sound. "That's just because you can't imagine someone likes you."

"You don't _like_ me, you want to fuck me," Karkat snaps back.

"I do like you, you dumb son of a bitch," Strider says, obviously appalled. "I spent all that time with you, I built dumb fucking cities with you and the Mayor, I watched your shitty romantic movies with you, who does that with someone they don't like?"

"I don't know!" Karkat's shouting now. "Just shut up, shut up."

Strider leans back on the bed and kicks one foot over the other, casual as anything, and silence falls over them again.

Karkat couldn't feel worse, which is fucking weird because part of him feels awesome and strong, but the overwhelming consensus of Karkat's brain is _no, fuck you, fuck everything._ He puts his head in his hands and tries to think past the cloud of fuckawful in his head, when someone touches his back and he jumps.

"Fuck," he swears at Strider, and rubs the back of his neck. "What do you want?"

Strider looks at him for what feels like a long moment, but probably isn't, then closes the distance between them and kisses him. Karkat immediately reaches back to put a hand on Strider's neck, and closes his eyes. _Shut up. Just enjoy it._

They shift to the bed after a minute, Karkat on top of Dave, and Dave is incredible, malleable, pure sex. The voice in Karkat's head that screams at him has lost all traction, because this is simple. This is Dave pulling Karkat's shirt over his head and touching his chest, the hard thrust of his sex organ through his clothes, the idea hovering over it all in his brain: _He wants this. He wants you._

It's intoxicating.

The clothes don't last long, and it's very different than the last time, with Terezi there, Karkat desperate to impress, to not fail her. It's not better, or worse, just different.

Karkat kisses Dave, and bites his lip, draws blood, feels him shudder. Dave's sex organ is nearly erect, and Karkat moves his bulge to wrap around it, beginning to move against him as well.

Dave makes this perfect helpless sound as they move together, and presses his fingers into Karkat's hips, which makes him press tighter around Dave's sex organ. He comes onto Karkat's belly after a groan, and pants for air.

Karkat still can't believe how turned on he is, even after last night; he's not what you'd call sexually experienced by a long shot, but this is more than he would have ever expected. _Humans._ He touches Dave's chest as he recovers, enjoying the shivers it elicits.

"One more time, you think, or two?" Karkat can still feel Dave's sex organ hard between his legs. He has a few ideas.

"I don't know anymore," Dave admits freely. "We'll see."

"Do you still want to -- I mean." Karkat's still having a hard time wrapping his mind around this. "I can go."

"What the fuck," Dave says, and pulls him into a long, pointed kiss.

Karkat gives in, then sighs raggedly once it's over. "I don't know." He shifts to edge Dave's sex organ around his nook. "If you want to keep going."

"Oh, fuck," Dave swears, and groans as Karkat sinks on top of him, burying his sex organ in his nook.

There's no good description for how fucking good this feels. It's totally different from a bulge, sturdier, harder, and each thrust hits something deep that makes Karkat feel like he's falling apart in the best way. Dave seems overwhelmed, too, and that makes him feel better, like he's not a loser or a lunatic losing his mind just because there's something hot shoved up his nook.

A few minutes in Dave pulls him down into a kiss, which surprises him, because it's just like when Terezi kisses him, not just like, but in a very particular way that he'd never have guessed he'd get from anyone else. It's packed with pity, with affection, in a way that's impossible to fake. _I want you. You, Karkat Vantas._ He feels something tremble inside him as Dave kisses him, but he ignores it.

Dave breaks the kiss to swear, "Fuck," and thrusts harder, to the point where Karkat is breathless and swearing himself, and then he can feel Dave coming inside of him.

"Shit," Dave swears, mussed, glasses askew. "Shit, that was…" He lays his head back. "I think I'm going to die that was so good."

Karkat is just looking down at Dave, astounded. "Strider," he starts, and realizes he doesn't have a way to continue.

"You want to try something?" Dave seems awkward all of the sudden. "Actually, never mind."

Yeah, he's still hard. Turn three. "What are you talking about?"

Dave shakes his head. "You'll probably think it's too weird."

"I'm fucking an alien," Karkat says slowly. "Everything is weird."

There's a pause. "So humans sometimes -- you know, never mind," Dave says hurriedly.

"You're freaking me out," Karkat says bluntly.

"Humans'll fuck each other in the ass," Dave says, to the point. "I thought it might be worth a try."

There's a longer pause. "Like, where shit comes from?" Karkat says.

"I never said it made sense, I only said people did it," Dave returns, obviously embarrassed. "And there's actually a thing in guys' asses, it's called a prostate, and it's a sexual thing. So that's why guys do it. I don't know why girls do it."

"You have a sex organ up your ass?" Karkat is definitely weirded out, but that makes the whole thing make more sense. "Well -- what the fuck," he says. "Will it be better than fucking my nook?"

"I don't know, I've never done it," Dave admits. "Just different, I guess." He pauses. "If you just touch the prostate you can come fucking buckets, so maybe."

"All right," Karkat says slowly. "Let's try it. And if it's disgusting we'll never do it again."

Dave looks so relieved. "Yeah," he agrees, and shifts onto his side. "We won't need lube or anything because your, uh, thing's pretty wet. Here."

Karkat shrugs and moves behind him, idly kissing Dave's neck as he follows his lead, spreading his ass and -- there it is. He moves his bulge to position it there, and gently pushes forward.

"Ngh," Dave comes out with. "Slowly."

 _Slowly._ It's so much different than a nook, but that's not a bad thing. It's tighter, and Karkat is gritting his teeth trying not to flat-out moan at the extraordinary dragged out feeling of entering Dave right now. Finally Dave shudders against him in this amazing way and Karkat breathes, "What."

"Move," Dave says breathlessly.

Karkat can do that, wants to do that, so he starts slowly, slipping in and out of Dave, but then it's so hot that he moves harder and faster, and Dave's gripping his sex organ and groaning and making these throaty noises when he hits hard and deep that makes Karkat think he must be hitting that prostate thing.

Dave twists his head and Karkat knows, just knows, so he kisses him fiercely, and a few thrusts later Dave breaks the kiss and comes, and Karkat pulls his bulge out slowly to pail…

There's no pail.

He runs into the bathroom and pails into the shower desperately.

Dave is bonelessly resting when Karkat gets back. "What now," he asks Karkat.

What now indeed. Things are definitely different. "I have to find Terezi." Karkat climbs onto the bed and lies next to him. "Soon. Not now."

"Soon," Dave breathes, and touches Karkat's shoulder idly.

Karkat closes his eyes.

_This isn't over._


End file.
